Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
