If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
