just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
