Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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