But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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