I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Randomize
