He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
