Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
