Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
