You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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