I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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