Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
