i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just found a bag of teeth...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
