those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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