dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
