you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
