Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
