they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
