I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
