Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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