and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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