He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
