He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
