Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
