well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
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we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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