i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
