the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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