and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
