its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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