booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
