Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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