I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were trust falling into bushes
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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