so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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