I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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