you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
