I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
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So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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