All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
When are your genitals available?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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