I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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