I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
