now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
