dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
