is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
