i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
