Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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