What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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