..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
