I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
