I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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