Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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