he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Are my feet made of real feet?
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Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
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At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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