the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
