I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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