dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
