so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
