Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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