I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
