his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
