Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
