I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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