if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
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I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
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Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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