All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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