Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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