Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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