Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i drank out of a bidet.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
