How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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